Cha Cha Cha Chaaaanges

I had a bit of a freak out moment last night over the fact that there are less than six months until a little bean joins our family. SIX MONTHS?! It goes without saying that CP and I are elated that a little one will be blessing us with it's presence, but when I think back to how long every day felt in the first three months versus how quickly the weeks are flying by now, it seems a tad bit crazy. We're going to find out the bean's gender next month, which I cannot wait for. I've honestly shocked myself at how little prep I've started tackling, but I know that it's because I'm waiting to find out the gender.... and once we do? Game over. Full on shopping spree (sorry CP, but at least you've been forewarned!).

I hope that those reading here know that I am an extremely grateful person, and yet I tend to be honest without sugarcoating a lot of things. As fortunate as I feel to have missed out on morning sickness and other major pregnancy symptoms, there have been times that I've felt strange about being pregnant - specifically when it comes to my body. I'm someone who prides myself on maintaining a healthy and balanced diet and exercise routine, and I'm motivated by results. Therefore, there have been times when I've been getting down on myself over the fact that some weeks my exercise routine consists of maybe one or two walks and that's balanced with an insane amount of snack attacks of the purely carb variety. I know that this is typical, but it takes some stern talks between me, myself, and I to get over it and realize that my body is telling me what it needs and I need to listen to it. It's also been strange being in that pudge vs. bump stage....I sort of just wanted to wear a sign that says "Stop staring!". Anyhow, I think as much as I'm excited and grateful to be pregnant, there's also something to be said for owning up to the fact that it's not always sunshine and rainbows (I'm sure many mothers or pregnant ladies who are farther along are saying 'you just waaaait!').

Sticking with a theme of honesty, it really truly is the best policy. When CP and I started trying to have a baby, I wanted to share that with Meredith because, well, she's my closest friend and I share everything else with her. I think it's natural for me to have had hesitation about how exactly the conversation would flow, but I also knew in my heart that having that conversation would only strengthen our friendship (if you're confused, hop over to the link above). Honestly, the only way that I gained the gusto to bring it up was after Meredith bravely asked me when she was visiting a few months after my dad passed if I'm jealous of other people who still have their dads. Although the answer was and still is no, the fact that she had the courage to ask me showed me how much she cares and wants to be there for me, regardless of what emotions might come to the surface. And so, I asked her about if and how she would want to know right away if I was pregnant - and what came to be was a fruitful and really heartfelt conversation that I think we both walked away from with a sense of pride and confidence. The reason I'm sharing this is because I know that I'm not the only one who has been in this situation before, and yet, just like conversations about grief, people tend to shy away from the honest and raw discussions that can actually be so beneficial and sincere. Something that I've noticed in therapy about myself is that I anticipate how people are going to react to things that I say or do, which in reality isn't fair to them at all. When we don't lend ourselves to those seemingly tough conversations, we end up in a lose-lose situation. Mere, thank you for not only allowing me to be honest, but for reciprocating with the same honesty and love.