How I Knew It Was Time

 

Hiiiii!! I'm so excited to be back to blogging with a bit more frequency (hopefully). I feel like Instagram has been my pseudo-blog platform for a bit now and while I mostly love Instagram, nothing can replace the written word on here. 

Since I shared that I'm leaving teaching a few weeks ago, the top two responses have been: "How did you know it was time?" and "What's next?". 

I've always felt called to give back, which is how I landed in teaching in the first place. It felt like a natural fit and it has been for the past twelve years. Ironically, when I started teaching, I felt like it would be a two or three year gig before I hopped into admin or educational policy, but alas, the joy of the classroom was too much to walk away from. Never did I imagine that I'd be one of the last classroom teachers standing from my graduating class (this is a sad reality that I'll address in another post). 

That being said, I've felt called to more for a bit now. It's hard to describe, but if you read this post from 2016 then you'll see that the feeling has been brewing for some time now. Motherhood, routine, and comfort called though and I happily stayed in the classroom. "More than anything, I want to continue being grateful for this life, for the opportunities to fall and to get back up, and for the chance to fill this Earth with love." (2016). I teared up reading that from 2016 because I know that this feeling has been bubbling at the surface for some time and while part of me is a bit surprised that it has taken me this long to get here, I have so much grace for myself given the insane life transitions that have transpired over the past five years. 

In total transparency, I knew that it was time to leave two years ago -so much so that I asked for a sabbatical that spring for the following school year. It wasn't met with much enthusiasm and while the decision was 100% mine, I stayed -but mostly out of guilt. I still loved teaching and continued to pour my heart into the job every single day, but once again, the feeling of being called to more was not only present, but was boiling over at this point.

The irony, of course, is that during that summer and into the fall my health fell to pieces. Life as I knew it would be turned upside down with my Hypophysitis diagnosis and it has taken time to reach a new, sustainable normal. So here we are again: how did I know *this* was the time? Well, between my health and already having had asked for a break prior to this, I knew that it was a natural second request at this point. I'm halfway through a full career with FCPS and I do think that I'll be back in some capacity at some point. Like some of you, I grew up in a house with parents who poured their heart and souls into jobs that they knew would secure a solid retirement. While I have so much respect for that, my dad died a year after his retirement. This changed my perspective on life in so many ways, including around my career. We get this one life and I don't want to settle for comfort and routine. 

SO! Long story long, I've known it was time to step outside my career for a while, but it took a few years for everything to come to fruition. I'm glad that it took time and I've never resented anything about my time in the classroom- quite the opposite. That being said, change is scary and change is good.

In terms of what's next- eeeeks! So many exciting unknows currently. There's a small business brewing behind the scenes that I'll share more about when I' m further along with it, but it is something that I'm so flipping excited about and is an ode to my dad in many ways. There are also some other opportunities knocking that I'm very much looking forward to pursuing. More than anything, though, I'm looking forward to exploring some new spaces in my life. I've always been such a go-getter and have to stay busy to feel accomplished. While this has served me well overall, it's also a flawed approach in so many ways. I know what a privilege it is to have this chance to pause, reboot, and launch. It's truly something that I'm grateful for and excited about. 

There you have it. It has taken a looong time to get here and I'm so excited for these new adventures. They may fail, but I'll never know if I don't try.