You Do You (aka Messy Motherhood)

I've hesitated to write a post along these lines for a while, and it finally dawned on me that the thing that I was trying to address and overcome was the one thing holding me back: the fear of judgement. 

Way before Avery even arrived, the pressure started mounting: natural birth v. epidural, formula v. breastfeeding, crib v. bassinet v. co-sleeping, cry it out v. soothing, paci v. no paci, stay at home mom v. working mom, and the list goes on and on. Having no actual clue what we were getting ourselves into, I found myself feeling particularly vulnerable when people would ask about our plans (even though most of the time people were asking with the best intentions), especially because best laid plans often don't pan out the way that you expect them to! Inevitably, someone would share their own experience regarding this or that and it would be totally different than what I envisioned with Avery. At that point I would find myself in a tizzy, wondering if I even met the qualifications to be a parent.

Now that it's been a few months since Aves has been here, things have settled down and I've been able to spend some more time thinking about why that self-doubt and worry tend to creep in. As adults, we're held responsible for our actions and in most cases, we can reflect on those actions and see why consequences played out the way that they did. Good, bad, or ugly, our decisions are our own to make. Throw in making decisions for a little one who lacks the ability to do so on their own, though, and it's a whole different ballgame. It feels like every tiny choice you make is going to drastically impact the rest of their lives, even though rationally I know that this is not the case. Opinions bounce around though, and it's hard not to question yourself all.the.time.

That being said, I learned quickly that even though babies are far more similar to one another at this little age than we are as adults, they're still so different. What works for one baby may totally not work for another. While shared experiences are important and can certainly be helpful, I've also learned not to feel pressured into doing what has worked for others. If their advice works- hallelujah! If not, though, that's okay too and we'll find a way that works for Avery without feeling like failures.

Today I dropped Avery off at daycare for the first time and had a good cry as I pulled away. All those feelings of self-doubt and worry didn't creep in - they blasted through the floodgates. I know that I'm incredibly fortunate to have spent the last four and a half months at home with Avery. I also know, though, that I'm not a stay at home mom. I envy my friends that are and I catch myself wondering what's wrong with me when I feel like I want to be back at work. Deep down, though, I know that it's what's best for Avery, for me, and for our family. Every family's story is different and every family's story is wonderful in its own way.

I've quickly learned that there's no "right" way to be a parent. You do what works for you and your baby, and whether or not that looks like what works for other families is irrelevant. We're all figuring out our beautiful and messy lives as we go along.